[Carl Copeland]

Mikhail Zenkevich (1886-1973) has been called the “fourth Acmeist”—a distant fourth in terms of popularity behind Gumilev, Akhmatova and Mandelstam. In the Soviet period, he published mainly translations, notably of American poetry. At his death in 1973, he was the last of the Acmeists.


No longer is the hot sun’s haze
a torment, but the lustrous chill
of moonlight in the grain still fails
to calm the crickets’ anxious trill.
As wispy clouds go flocking by,
across the desolate expanse,
their silver fleeces dust the sky
with streaks of fuzzy radiance.
And, thickening the milky night’s
oppression, lightning now and then,
as if a naughty girl, delights
in flashing a vermilion hem.


Crib

No longer does the sun torment with its heat haze,
but neither does the moon’s cool shine
among the grain appease
the anxious chatter of the katydids/bush crickets.
The moonlit sky is luminous and desolate,
and cirrus/feathery clouds
pass like a silver-fleeced flock,
lightly dusting [the sky] with a radiant haze.
And only occasionally silent lightning,
thickening/deepening the oppression/weight of milky night,
as if a naughty/saucy girl,
flashes a red hem.


Original

Уж солнце маревом не мает,
Но и луны прохладный блеск
Среди хлебов не унимает
Кузнечиков тревожный треск.
Светло, пустынно в небе лунном,
И перистые облака
Проходят стадом среброрунным,
Лучистой мглой пыля слегка.
И только изредка, зарница
Сгущая млечной ночи гнет,
Как будто девка-озорница,
Подолом красным полыхнет.

[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Carl—

I was struck by the similarities between the Russian Acmeists and the (mostly) American Imagists. I compared Zenkevich’s poem to Amy Lowell’s “Summer Rain” and noted resemblances in style and language. Both schools seek to render experiences using accurate, precise, photographic images and language.

Zenkevich describes a moonlit night in the last weeks of summer when the differences in night and day temperatures produce equinoctial electrical storms. This night the full moon illuminates the fields and the few wispy cirrus clouds portending coming storms in an otherwise clear sky. Occasional flashes of what is called “heat lightning” or “sheet lightning” in the U.S. appear, producing glints of red on the undersurfaces of the clouds.

The only puzzle for me was in lines 9-10 in the Russian version. The word сгущая must be modifying зарница, but I am having difficulty seeing how the “lightning” is “thickening” the oppression/weight of the “milky night.” I assume the night is “milky” because of the whitish glow of moonlight. Could сгущая be used in the sense of “clotting” or “stopping the flow?”

In the last image, the practical, modest petticoats of the girl are compared to the whitish, unremarkable clouds tinged with silvery/milky moonlight. The occasional flash of lightning is like a shocking, scandalous bit of scarlet lingerie that she has sneaked into her underwear. I wondered (and please let me know if you think I’m way off base here) whether there was a suggestion of menstrual imagery here, too.
I’m basing this on the references to the moon, milk, scarlet, and female sexuality that permeate the poem.

Glenn

[Carl Copeland]

Thanks, Glenn!

Originally Posted by Glenn Wright

I was struck by the similarities between the Russian Acmeists and the (mostly) American Imagists. … Both schools seek to render experiences using accurate, precise, photographic images and language.

You seem to be on to something. In a 1978 article, “Russian Acmeism and Anglo-American Imagism,” Elaine Rusinko wrote:

“The Imagists were reacting against the conventionalism of the Victorian poetic tradition; the Acmeists, against the ‘abstractionism’ of the Symbolists. The result however, amounted to the same thing—a turn away from conventionality, banality, and vagueness to concreteness, freshness of language and perspective, and emphasis on technique. Both Acmeists and Imagists saw their purpose as therapeutic, to bring poetry out of the ‘blurry’ nineteenth century into the ‘hardness’ of the twentieth, to use Pound’s terms.’”

Originally Posted by Glenn Wright

Zenkevich describes a moonlit night in the last weeks of summer when the differences in night and day temperatures produce equinoctial electrical storms. This night the full moon illuminates the fields and the few wispy cirrus clouds portending coming storms in an otherwise clear sky. Occasional flashes of what is called “heat lightning” or “sheet lightning” in the U.S. appear, producing glints of red on the undersurfaces of the clouds.

Great meteorology lesson! I took “зарница” to be simply lightning too distant to be heard, but see that it can also refer to the phenomenon you describe. I don’t suppose cirrus clouds produce lightning, so it would still be at a distance, right?

Originally Posted by Glenn Wright

The only puzzle for me was in lines 9-10 in the Russian version. The word сгущая must be modifying зарница, but I am having difficulty seeing how the “lightning” is “thickening” the oppression/weight of the “milky night.” I assume the night is “milky” because of the whitish glow of moonlight.

The imagery here puzzled me too. I first thought the brief flashes of light made the ensuing darkness seem darker, but that doesn’t work well on a “milky night,” which I can only interpret as you do. Now I suppose the lightning deepens the anxiety established earlier by the crickets.

Originally Posted by Glenn Wright

Could сгущая be used in the sense of “clotting” or “stopping the flow?”

Well, “сгущенное молоко” is the Russian for “condensed milk,” but I’m not sure I’d want to lean too hard on that image.

Originally Posted by Glenn Wright

I wondered (and please let me know if you think I’m way off base here) whether there was a suggestion of menstrual imagery here, too. I’m basing this on the references to the moon, milk, scarlet, and female sexuality that permeate the poem.

I hadn’t really thought about it. Could be.

[David Callin]

Hi Carl. You've condensed pretty much all of the key words of the crib into a very serviceable English poem, so I think that must count as a job well done.

I only wonder whether there are just too many adjectives? But I haven't done a line by line comparison with the crib, so there could be just the right number.

Cheers

David

[Carl Copeland]

Thanks, David. Interesting about the adjectives. I count 10 in the original and 10 in the translation, which isn’t the obvious outcome of a good translation, so I checked so see how it happened. I dropped “moonlit” and “luminous” (L5 of the crib), which pretty much repeat the earlier “moon’s ... shine,” and added “hot” and “naughty.” “Hot” allowed me to imitate a striking alliteration in the original first line, and there’s no way of expressing “naughty girl” in a single noun, as in the Russian. That doesn’t mean you’re wrong, however, in feeling that the translation is over-modified.