[Roger Slater]

Maybe just make it "And that's not bad." It works as a simple assertion, I think, but saying it's not "all bad" made me wonder which parts are being called bad and which are not. It's maybe too defensive. If the speaker is going to say she likes these things, there's no need to couch it. Best to go all in.

[Christine P'legion]

Originally Posted by Roger Slater

Maybe just make it "And that's not bad."

Smart alteration. Thank you.

[Rick Mullin]

Hi Christine,

This is great! I want to show it to poets I know who believe one simply doesn't write rhymed verse in this day and age.

I like how each stanza begins with the simple premise. And your descriptions are quite beautiful--natural depth of observation and a presentation of the life energy evident in the dying year. The garden description is really good, and the wind's pressing hand against your back... Excellent.

No nits,
Rick

NB, responding to David's concern regarding the rhyme, I would call it quiet rather than basic, but I think that suites tone and the sense of the poem perfectly. I look for connections of meaning in rhymes and I find them in land/hand/sand in the context of the stanza.

[Mary Boren]

Hi Christine.

Just chiming in to join the chorus of likes before this one slips off the page. And what's not to like? A message after my own heart, delivered in pluperfect meter with skillfully employed enjambment, punctuation, repetition, and occasional exclamatory short sentences to control momentum. And an innovative interlocking rhyme scheme to boot, or if it's a known form one I don't recall encountering before. I'm sorry I don't have a useful critique, but really don't see how it could be improved. "Not all bad" works fine for me, since fall gets a bad rap for its illusion of bleakness, but the unseen metamorphosis at work below the surface is what energizes me at this time of year. My favorite bit is that vivid opening image of the corners of sky closing around while the season tucks itself in. I'll be coming back to study your technique every chance I get.

Mary

[Christine P'legion]

Hi Mary, I've been busy busy offline and hadn't seen your message — just wanted to say thank you for such a lovely note, and welcome to the board as well!

As far as I know I didn't use a named rhyme scheme; the ABBAAB just felt right for this poem as I was working my way into it.