[Birthe Myers]

A micro producer of organic flour told the local prince that his daughter could spin gold from straw. From a misguided wish for material gain, the prince locked the young person in a room full of non-genetically-altered straw. Unfortunately, the father had not been quite truthful. His daughter could do no such thing.
But a size-challenged person appeared and spun gold from the straw for her in return for future payment.
The prince married the girl, who had inadvertently promised the height challenged person her first child in return for his help. From the best motives, said person relented, and gave the girl a fair out: If she found out his name she could keep the kid,
In a win win situation for the girl, she used her considerable resources to discover his name. Poor Rumplestiltkin expired from unbearable mental stress at hearing it.

146

[John Whitworth]

Grimm Revision

Mirror, mirror, on the wall,
Who is the fairest of them all?
What is this concept fairest, pray?
You are the fairest, in your way.
My Way? You lousy piece of glass.
Speak up. Don’t blow it out your arse.
I can’t construct a fairness table.
We are all differently able.
All differently able? Right!
You mean I have to kill Snow White.
No need, my dear. She’s gone. She needed
To find herself. She has succeeded.
To find herself? By which you mean
Some lewd, perverted sexual scene.
With seven friends she’s set up shop –
A Little Lesbians Co-op

[Roger Slater]

Grimm Revision

He couldn't believe it when they told him the only way to wake the young woman from her sleep of death was to kiss her. How could he presume to kiss a woman he never met, especially when she was helplessly sleeping? Would it not be a violation of her personal space and integrity? So he went to the Court Magician and arranged to enter her dreams to secure a formal introduction through a mutually dreamed friend. Over the following weeks, after they truly got to know each other as people, they fell in love and were engaged. The Court Magician then transported him back into the real world, where he gently kissed the sleeping beauty on the cheek. She woke. They were both grateful he had waited. And their children never tired of hearing the story of how their parents met and formed a union of equals.

[Terese Coe]

after they truly got to know each other as people

I love that. And since you don't teach English composition that I know of, Bob, you couldn't have found it in a student essay.

Some students might have written:

After they truly got to know each other in life as people...

[RCL]

A Grimm Perversion

A clever Rumpelstiltskin,
A little manikin,
Saw that the miller’s kin
Could not from straw gold spin
So with a snarky grin
He spun it for her babykin.
But sorrowful for her sin,
She learned his name to win.
Enraged and with chagrin,
He stomped the earth, deep in,
And split into a twin—
A flaccid Rumpledforeskin.

[Roger Slater]

Grimmer Grimm

"Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair,
so that I may climb the golden stair."

Rapunzel announced from the top of the tower:
"Alas, handsome prince, that is not in my power."

"I don't understand," the dejected prince called.
Rapunzel replied: "Have a look. I am bald."

"What happened?" he asked, and she shouted her answer:
"I gave it away to help women with cancer."

[basil ransome-davies]

The Shoemaker and the Elves

A shoemaker whose business plan had been ineptly formulated and under-capitalised found himself facing ruin. Stocks were run down as he defaulted on payment to his suppliers; finally he had enough leather for only one pair of shoes. Despairing, he drank himself to sleep. In the morning, he found a pair of shoes, new and complete, where the leather scraps had been, thanks to some benign elves whom he then recruited as his labour force. Alas, as his fortunes rose his boss-class greed and power-mania asserted themselves, forcing the elves to slave to generate surplus value. A work hierarchy was imposed, allowing the cobbler to divide and rule. But a growing dialectic of exploitation and discontent created a militant, unifying consciousness among the elves. Organised, they struck until the business was near-worthless again, when they took over and restructured it as a workers' co-operative.

[Roger Slater]

Just because Cinderella was working her tail off doing menial work for her evil stepfamily, don't think she didn't have any self-respect. Sure, when the fairy godmother offered to send her to the royal ball, she agreed even though she objected to the whole idea of lavish parties in a world where millions of people were starving. And yes, she had to admit she was genuinely attracted to the prince. But later, when it turned out he didn't even know her by sight, but had to make her try on a shoe to be sure, what was she supposed to conclude from that? Prosopagnosia? Cinderella didn't buy it. She turned down his proposal of marriage. It's better to scrub floors, she knew, than to live in the lap of luxury with a man who doesn't appreciate you.

[Marion Shore]

You remember how Cinderella was exploited by her stepfamily, and, thanks to her Fairy Goddessmother, married Prince Charming and lived happily ever after. But further research reveals the marriage was short-lived. "I wanted to be more than a trophy wife," she told her Fairy Goddessmother, who'd traded her wand for a career in psychotherapy, "more than a royal bimbo." After encountering her stepsisters in a support group, Cinderella realized they were as much victims of childhood abuse as she. "Mother actually cut off my toes to get my foot into that damn slipper!" one of them recalled. Eventually all three were able to transcend the cycle of abuse, and, as their therapist put it, to "re-connect with their inner goddess." To this day they have a close relationship, bolstered by the belief that although Prince Charmings may come and go, "sisterhood is powerful!"

Attachment 393

[Mary Meriam]

Lucy, give the extra fiver to Marion Shore!