[Jason Kerr]

Dougsie,

Judging by your critique your comparing my poem to a bunch of other, much older poems that you've read. Don't do that. The rigid expectations you bring are just so unhelpful to the beauty of this poem.

I don't know if you really understand your problem, so here's a poem that I think will shed some light:

Monkey po'

What did a poem ever try to do
that you seem to think it didn't?
Didn't you scan to the last line through,
hovering to the end suspent,
and getting there, to find you wouldn't
get your wish--what were you expecting?
You funny little monkey!

Jason

[Marion Shore]

Dougsie,

The problem may be a demographic one-- I surmise from your location that you come from some remote Southern backwater. So possibly you lack the sophistication to understand the subtleties of my poem, "Yes, Virginia, there is an Antichrist", which would probably be clearer to someone with a more cosmopolitan background.

Please note, Mugsy, I don't mean to be critical--au contraire, your simplicity and naïveté are quite charming-- indeed one might say you are the Kelly Pickler of Eratosphere. Had any cala-maaaari lately?

Thank y'all.

[Lightning Bug]

Fuggup,
Please, you must take back your suggestions. I am a Native American, and were I to accept them and not reciprocate with a gift equally fine(which I never could), I would lose face.

Sincerely,
Lars Svenssen, Denmark

[This message has been edited by Lightning Bug (edited July 02, 2006).]

[Robert Meyer]

Doug on the sea,
thanks, it gave me
a simile.

I'm heels-over-head in love with Bob Dylan Thomas Mann's cliched language.

Dear Doug Z.,
The phrase "the proof is in the pudding" is a unique way to say a mathematician's work is verified by the dessert.
The comments regarding Homer are irrelevant; if he was Greek, he could have never met Jethro (who was living in Midian).

Deer Dug, See?
This is neither a performance piece nor a non-performance piece. Obviously you have not attained satori, it is a poem and a non-poem at the same time.

Dougsie, my Chronicle poem has no theological or political ax to grind: no sin, no tax.

PugZ, as "Dr. Robert" is to the Rolling Stones and as "Dr. John" is to the Beatles, so are all suggestions to all poems.

The theme requires that I end.
The theme requires that I stop.
The theme requires every line.

Poetry is a craft of co-promises and my feeling is that we are all entitled to our onions.

IF (me speak) THEN (only Fortran) ELSE (silence).

Because the poem has nothing to do with WWII aircraft, the phrase "a poem with zero promise" must be a typo for "a poem with Zorro promise."

Doug C,
"B4" is the fourth term of an infinite sequence of rational numbers converging to the irrational number "B"
"Ur" is the town that Abram and Sarai were from

Yes, I do realise that I am using “serene as a nun” here; but without that punctuation, Mark, how can the above response be read correctly?

L. Villain

PS: you misspelled "Lower Rate"

PPS: Moderator, please lock this liquor cabinet.


[This message has been edited by Robert Meyer (edited July 02, 2006).]

[Duncan Gillies MacLaurin]

Dougsie

I think it was Horace who said that a poet shouldn't show a poem to the world until ten years after composing it. All the previous poems I have posted here are from the last millennium, and I rather regret having posted this one, which is of a very recent date. I'd be interested to hear if you are of the same mind about it come 2016.

Slippery

(reposted after the original disappeared)

[Mark Allinson]

Yes, Theodora, I do realise that L2 is ambiguous, but, not only do I not see this as a problem, it is something I spent a lot of time on, trying to get that line as ambiguous as I could. As you can see, the line now not only suggests that the pumpkin is blue in colour, but “blue” in the sense of being sad. And the anthimeria I employed in using “fart” as an adjective is also intentional, and helps to bring the kettle-drum into an interesting juxtaposition with the goat.

I hope my reasoning is clear, Theodora; but if not, I can try and express myself a little more succinctly: fuck off!

[Julie Steiner]

Carol, Clay, Bugsy, Terese, Jan, Jerry, Quincy, epigone, Janet, David, Marion, Michael, Tim, Mark, Jason, Katy, Duncan, and Susan--I can't thank you enough for your very helpful comments. Absolutely spot on! I'm now working on a revision to incorporate your great suggestions.

Theodora--Thanks for looking in.


[Edited to say: Oh, shoot--I just realized that these are supposed to be FRESH, i.e. NEW, and I've been on the receiving end of this one a few times.]

[Henry Quince]

I'm in a bit of a rush John, bicycling furiously around the garden, etc, but I promise I'll return to think over your points.

Not defending but I do sometimes worry about scholarly dismantling and conscientious analysis. One can't improve a bird by pulling its wings off. It's a living thing and so is a poem. That's true of all the arts of course.

I once worked with an infamous Lithuanian conductor. No names, no clues He was very short and had a trick of absent-mindedly whittling away at his wooden leg with a pocket knife while he talked. Once he peered up at me with a twinkle in his eye and said, "Every work of art is a tremulous, dancing thing. The artist's challenge is to let it dance, to resist crippling it or strangling the life out of it."

With great respect, I think that applies to my Kalgoorlie Kestrel. Air and feathers. A swoop rather than a coop. Flight not logic. But I’m trying to see it your way, honest.






[This message has been edited by Henry Quince (edited July 02, 2006).]

[Janet Kenny]

Henry and Tim,
You boogers. Just wait--I'll get you yet
-------------
I have incorporated your suggestions. I have changed the title and altered the meter from hexameter to dimeter.

My grovelling thanks to all of you for making this poem what it is today.

It has been accepted for publication by Strict and Upright. I couldn't have done it without your help.

[Mary Cresswell]

Thank you so much. Your critique fills a much-needed gap in the literature.